I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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