we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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