between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
