Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
