I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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