So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
