he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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