O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Everyone says I win the strip club
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
