My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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