Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
