Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
