nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize