i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
