Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Operation Purity has been aborted
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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