theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
