Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize