we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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