I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
