Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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