So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
