I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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