oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I love having hate sex.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
