his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
