did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
