Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
