i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
