We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize