Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I love having hate sex.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
