WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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