Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
