This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
