The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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