Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
