I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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