I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
