We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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