Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
