Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
