he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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