new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
