sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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