I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
