WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
