ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
