This is not my ceiling
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
