well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
nutella sex= disaster
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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