piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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