I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
