Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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