She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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