Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize