dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
