Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
