Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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