He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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