Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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