Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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