Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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