kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
handjob tips. give me some.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
