I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize