HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
