i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
