I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
