Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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