So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize