Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
