Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
