I am puke
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
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