I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
