I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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