If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize