Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
