You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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