Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
