I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
