Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
