i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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