So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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