I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
