Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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