i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
