Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
