She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
