Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
