hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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