Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
my liver is dry heaving
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
