Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
