I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize