yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
