Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
