The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
