It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
