You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
