Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
where are you?
Hypothermia
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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