hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
