her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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