don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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