...so i touched it.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm too high and old for this...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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