Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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