I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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