Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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